Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
