she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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