Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
