textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
