Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
