A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
