I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
