PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
