We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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