Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
