i think i have two assholes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
