hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
