idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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