Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
