He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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