Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
