We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
