I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
