You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
