Non-Jews are for practice
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
