Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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