I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
