2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
