About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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