puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
