My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
