This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
