I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
