youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
