Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
