rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
