What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
