i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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