During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
