forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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