dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
