it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
