i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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