Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
