that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
