I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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