i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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