Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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