Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
