Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
