i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
