Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
