I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
