why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Couch. On fire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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