six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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