none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
