I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
