Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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