You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
